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Starling
Confunded

United Kingdom
701 Posts

Posted - 02/17/2007 :  08:01:30  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Siiiihigh. Fin's got pleurisy and has caught another virus.

I wuv multicoloured werewolf puppies.
"When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend."
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AMC
Mediwizard

1710 Posts

Posted - 02/17/2007 :  15:36:57  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I had to look up pleurisy - it seems like one of those medical conditions that were more common in earlier centuries - like gout. People do get gout nowadays but it isn't common. Sounds awful, Martje, I'm sorry.

Nuggy, I adore my children but I think people they should avoid having them unless they really can't help themselves. The world doesn't need more children so unless you really want them, please yourself. It's a wonderful experience to raise kids but it also takes from you all freedom, most of your brain cells and a good deal of your sense of self. There was a point where every mother I knew was asking "How did I get here", in the Talking Heads sense - most of us were independant, world-travelling, book-reading, night-dwelling city creatures living a life of privilege and suddenly we look about and our recent resume entries would read "Laundress, Scullery Maid, Charwoman". We went from Upstairs to Downstairs without notice. It's an odd thing to live through. Part of it comes from having children later in life, of course - you get spoiled having a comparatively carefree adult life and the huge responsibility of maintaining a household with children comes as a shock.

That said - my best friend is having TWINS on Friday and I couldn't be more excited. It really is a miracle seeing newborns and being part of their life as they grow and I get the best of both worlds - I'm going to be their best auntie but I don't have to be up all night with them! My friend is single and will need all the support she can get so I'm anticipating a lot of babysitting!



And I love you, I love you, I love you.
Like never before, like never before.


Edited by - AMC on 02/17/2007 15:38:44
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Newguise
Barmy

United Kingdom
269 Posts

Posted - 02/17/2007 :  16:28:07  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
That is the sort of post that all the childless people on the board should save and look at again when the time comes. I always like to hear the honest view from someone who has been there. I do see children in our future, but it has to be our timetable and I want to go into this with my eyes as wide open as possible. There are times when I wonder if we do have the right sort of personalities for coping well with kids. Do they accentuate your negative traits or do you learn new and better strategies? I suppose the answer is both in some measure. I would imagine that teamwork is key to parenting, and Other Half and I come from very different backgrounds, and we'll be coming from very different perspectives on some things.

Hope Fin gets better Martje

Nuggy xxx
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Starling
Confunded

United Kingdom
701 Posts

Posted - 02/17/2007 :  18:59:56  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I thought pleurisy was an old-fashioned disease too. It's something kids get when they've got a really bad cold or cough for quite some time, and I suppose nowadays most kids live in circumstances where that doesn't really happen anymore. But I live in a damp, slug-infested dump, so there you go.

I agree with AMC's view on having kids. I adore my son, but I shouldn't have had him.

I've got a friend with a set of identical twins and a set of triplets, consisting of two identical children and one fraternal one. My goodness. I think they only wanted three kids!

I wuv multicoloured werewolf puppies.
"When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend."
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Jokelly
Barking

USA
1509 Posts

Posted - 02/17/2007 :  19:50:00  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
My uncle had pleurisy once. He was hunting with my dad and began to feel like he was dying. Said it was the worst thing he ever went through.

Finally caught up on all the posts. Diri, hope you're feeling better. I've had kidney stones, which they also say are worse than giving birth, so I sympathize with your pain. My mom had her gallbladder removed after she had my brother and before me and my sister after she developed gallstones. Eeyore, your family is in my thoughts. There are so many advances everyday in the fight against cancer. I hope everything goes great.

As for kids, I do want some someday. I can't imagine not having them. But I think the pressure is because my sister had them so young in her early 20s and I'm now 30 with none. Plus, my dad's girlfriend's grandkids are very young and he misses having babies around. He's always been a baby person. When he retired a few years ago I told him to volunteer at the hospital nursery rocking babies and he said no because he'd never come home. But the kids will just have to wait because I'm just not ready.

My skin is so dry from this weather that I have fantasies of bathing in a vat of body lotion. It doesn't help, though, because my hands are still like alligator skin even after using moisturizing lotion repeatedly. It's snowing again, but only an inch or so expected tonight. I thought of the poem by Robert Frost "Stopping by Woods On A Snowy Evening" last night when taking the dog outside and the lines "The woods are lovey, dark, and deep", the only line I can remember. All the stars were shining and it was quite beautiful, despite the cold and a dog who wouldn't do her business fast enough.


Current location: Laying low at Lupin's
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Eeyore
Barmy

USA
311 Posts

Posted - 02/17/2007 :  20:35:26  Show Profile  Send Eeyore a Yahoo! Message  Reply with Quote
Glad to see you back again, Jo. And don't have those children till you are ready. I was 29 when Sarah was born, but we'd been married for 5 years. I wouldn't change a thing, but I know a lot of people would.

Ah, yes--all that snow. Sarah was in Erie in early January and is very glad that the weather was actually fairly mild--she figures if she were there now, she'd be stuck for a month, as the airport in Erie was a very small one.

I love Robert Frost:

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.


Hmmmm, such lovely pictures of the snow from that poem--probably not what any of the recently stranded people were thinking, though.

Eeyore

Order of the Bookmark
Member of HPEW & HPCS appreciation Society
s.i.n.e. qua non

Edited by - Eeyore on 02/17/2007 20:38:46
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AMC
Mediwizard

1710 Posts

Posted - 02/17/2007 :  20:48:28  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
No, a poem by a stranded motorist would probably be more modern:

POEM
-----
I'm Hungry
Cold
and Pissed.

Damnit





And I love you, I love you, I love you.
Like never before, like never before.

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Jokelly
Barking

USA
1509 Posts

Posted - 02/17/2007 :  21:09:11  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Eeyore, I love that poem, too. Some literary experts think it's about suicide or death, but Robert Frost always said it wasn't.

I love the poem, AMC. Lol, the Pennsylvania trapped motorist disaster happened in the northern part of the state. Don't know if this made the national news, but motorists were stranded on the west bound highway for over 20 hours. No food, water, people were running out of gas. I guess the state police got nasty with callers and the National Guard was called out to hand out blankets and food, but hardly anyone saw them. Don't know why they didn't open the east bound lanes of the highway and let people use it. They didn't even close off the ramps to stop unknowing people from getting on. Can you imagine being trapped for 20 hours in your car!

My uncle called the other day from Southern Cal and said it was chilly in the 60s. I can feel no sympathy when it was 6 degrees here. There is no news on but the weather and Anna Nicole Smith. Is the rest of the country getting constant coverage about the weather, or is it only us in the Northeast and Midwest? It's sad when the most interesting thing on television is The Weather Channel.

Current location: Laying low at Lupin's

Edited by - Jokelly on 02/17/2007 21:21:31
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Myf
Confunded

571 Posts

Posted - 02/18/2007 :  05:09:58  Show Profile  Visit Myf's Homepage  Click to see Myf's MSN Messenger address  Reply with Quote
Don't worry, Jo, soon the news will be full of Britney Spears and her shaved head. *sigh* What a sad individual she is.

I just watched the first episode of Ugly Betty on telly. It was talked up so much I was disappointed to find out how cliched and boring it was. Yawn! Does it get better?

I am crazy tired today. I spent 10 hours collecting data and driving to and from the other side of the city - this is on top of about 3 hours sleep. The Boy's bed is broken *whistles innocently* and it was 29*C/85*F at midnight last night as I was coming home. So I didn't get to sleep until I moved to the couch at 4am, and then his housemates thought he and I had had a big fight or something.

Yesterday was fun - a friend and I spent the day cooking (in that heat - crazy). We made chilled beetroot soup, barbecued calamari and prawn salad, potato salad with smoked trout and avocado, and a baked lemon ricotta cheesecake with blackberry compote. Dee-lish!

If you're looking for trouble you found it.
Professor Stephen Hawking
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diricawl
Looney

United Kingdom
1078 Posts

Posted - 02/18/2007 :  05:43:07  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Jokelly: I'm officially 30 years old now as of Valentine's Day.

You think you've got problems. I'm officially 31 as of next April. I'll be resting in a barca lounger smoking stogies before you know it.

A few weeks ago I did get the periodic "When Are You Going To Reproduce?" lecture. This time, however, I was laughing so hard that it didn't bother me. When I said I had plenty of time to have kids, my dad's girlfriend said, "Well, have them now so your dad can enjoy them." Then proceeded to say I could get artifically inseminated. To which my dad's response was "No, I don't want artificial grandchildren." That just cracked me up and I couldn't stop laughing all the while, they continued arguing about the topic. Evidently, my dad, while he doesn't have anything against the practice, requires a baby's daddy to be part of package. Marriage not required though. I have an interesting family.

You'd think, given the fact that your father is living in sin with a woman not his wife, he would be less concerned with your not fulfilling your feminine duties. Tell him to get his mind out of the 19th century.

Newguise: Because that isn't weird and messed up at all. She even specified the baby's sex.

Oh how very Dickensian! I wonder if, on the birth of your first child, she'd do what David Copperfield's auntie did and belt the obstatrician for not producing a girl?

AMC: Nuggy, I adore my children but I think people they should avoid having them unless they really can't help themselves.

I'm not quite sure what you mean here, AMC; you make it sound a bit like wanting to have kids is a pathology.

The world doesn't need more children

Not really true. The third world certainly doesn't need more children, but the first world's populations are actually declining. Russia's population has fallen so low that it's expected to half in a hundred years' time. This is a problem because the baby boom generation is about to retire, and there aren't enough young, able bodied people to look after them. The best thing we could do is adopt (and allow unrestricted immigration, but that's another issue).

so unless you really want them, please yourself. It's a wonderful experience to raise kids but it also takes from you all freedom, most of your brain cells and a good deal of your sense of self. There was a point where every mother I knew was asking "How did I get here", in the Talking Heads sense - most of us were independant, world-travelling, book-reading, night-dwelling city creatures living a life of privilege and suddenly we look about and our recent resume entries would read "Laundress, Scullery Maid, Charwoman".

But really, is the alternative that great? Getting drunk and talking cod philosophy in noisy college bars, going to annoying nightclubs and "listening" to "music" that mainly consists of repeated subsonic vibrations capable of shattering bone? I'm not all that keen on bachelorhood myself; I'd much prefer a nice home with a bunch of kids to read books to. But that's just me I suppose.

Starling: I agree with AMC's view on having kids. I adore my son, but I shouldn't have had him.

I'd love to be able to travel sideways in time to see how things might have turned out, but really, who knows what your life would have been like if you hadn't had Fin? I really don't think words like "should" are useful in speaking of such things. Things are as they are, and that's the way it is.

Jokelly: Diri, hope you're feeling better. I've had kidney stones, which they also say are worse than giving birth, so I sympathize with your pain. My mom had her gallbladder removed after she had my brother and before me and my sister after she developed gallstones.

Thanks. I am feeling better. My mother is desperate to come over and tend me when I have my gallbladder removed. I'm trying to dissuade her. Gallstones do seem to run in families; my mother had them and her mother had them. My aunt on my father's side also had them, which means I'm cursed from both sides!

Order of the Bookmark

As to the avatar, well, if you girls can all have Alan Rickman...

"They don't want the Easter Bunny's power; The children in our generation want Harry's power, and they're getting it." - Laura Mallory

Edited by - diricawl on 02/18/2007 05:58:00
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Myf
Confunded

571 Posts

Posted - 02/18/2007 :  06:06:31  Show Profile  Visit Myf's Homepage  Click to see Myf's MSN Messenger address  Reply with Quote
*applauds Diri on the very pretty and organised post*

If you're looking for trouble you found it.
Professor Stephen Hawking
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Starling
Confunded

United Kingdom
701 Posts

Posted - 02/18/2007 :  07:19:20  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
*applauds too*

I just got a note from a friend. She's just passed a kidney stone. She said it hurt, but not as much as having children :)

If I hadn't had Fin, I'd have left my marriage much earlier, and I wouldn't have suffered an endless post-natal depression! Oh well, it can't be helped.

I wuv multicoloured werewolf puppies.
"When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend."
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Siobhan
Chief Healer

USA
2157 Posts

Posted - 02/18/2007 :  10:28:06  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Jokelly: Can you imagine being trapped for 20 hours in your car!
Yes, I can. A lot of people were trapped there in the September heat when hurricane Flyod came through a few years ago. Difference was that a lot of people were in a panic to escape the area since they were attempting to evacuate-- that and it wasn't snowing.
quote:
Diri: Gallstones do seem to run in families
Great. My mum had them when she was 42.

Eeyore, I love that poem too. I bought a beautifully illustrated printing of it a couple of years ago. I sit by my electric fire to read it and dream of the pretty kind of snow.

Children. I love Daughter dearly, and cannot imagine life without her. We weren't trying to have a child-- but we weren't trying very hard not to, either. Now, we are much more cautious. Due to the complications of birth and the realisation that parenthood takes a LOT of time,effort, and money (when done the way we do it, at least) we do not wish to have another child. Looking back to those pre-baby days, I think would not have been happy without a child. So, yes, there are aspects of life that would be different, but I wouldn't go back to change anything. Oddly enough, that's how I feel about most of the choices/events in my life. There's nothing I would change, because even little changes could effect who, where, and with whom I am now. There are aspects of my life I'm not that thrilled with, living in SC being a major one. But the changes and sacrifices involved in a relocation make me shudder-- I'm relatively comfortable.

Deliberatley causing mayhem in Snape's Potions class.
Member of the HPEW & HPCS Appreciation Society
s.i.n.e. qua non
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Jokelly
Barking

USA
1509 Posts

Posted - 02/18/2007 :  13:55:29  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
It's doing something different outside--snowing.

I just can't imagine never having children. I do really want some of my own, it's just I'm not in a place at the moment that allows for them. But there is a relief to get to a point in your life that accidentially getting pregnant isn't the most horrible thing that can happen to you. Not necessarily desired, but not the feared thing it is when you're 20 and in college. I think that when I ever get married I'll end up having kids relatively quickly.

I had a Harry Potter dream the other day. I was at Walmart looking through the book section and I was looking for something to read in the paperbacks and glanced down and there on the nearby table was one copy of Book 7. It was the usual U.S. cover art, but it had a really ugly gold metalic color to it. I remember thinking that it really was a horrible cover. Anyway, I was torn over whether to get the book or tell them they put it on the shelves much sooner than they should have. I was thinking that I didn't want to read it months before everyone else and have to wait to talk about it on here. Should I buy it and read it, or buy it and not read it, or inform them about their mistake. I ended up hording it while looking all around to see if anyone noticed and I went to the self-checkout because I didn't want the checker to catch it. After I checked out I woke up.

Myf, I think Ugly Betty gets better. I didn't care for the first episode so I didn't watch it anymore. Then a few weeks ago I was bored and nothing on television so I started watching it. Now I'm getting into it. My dad has gotten me into watching House. He doesn't like most television so I thought it was weird he liked that show. Plus, it's about time to start watching Idol. I don't like it the first few weeks, but it's down to the final 24 now, so I'll start watching it.

Current location: Laying low at Lupin's

Edited by - Jokelly on 02/18/2007 14:16:09
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AMC
Mediwizard

1710 Posts

Posted - 02/18/2007 :  14:36:51  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Damn! Jo - You could have settled things for us! I'm not afraid of spoilers, not me!

Sorry about the snow - I will NOT complain about our weather, okay?

Diri, you can't possibly expect people not to have some regrets or analyse their own pasts, can you? Yes, you make decisions but some you deeply regret and it's silly to think that simply because you made a decision in the past you have to accept it and not have any regrets. Happily for me I don't regret having children at all. I do, however, regret having carelessly jumped off a rock in Yosemite 12 years ago thereby destroying my ACL, but there you go - it's done. I accept it but that doesn't mean I think it was a good idea, even at the time. I think people have a right - no, an obligation - to recognize the points where they screwed up in life.

And it's not true that the only alternative to parenthood involves drinking and clubbing. One can be a grown-up without children and even live pretty happily that way. Also, there are lots of opportunities for people to get involved in childrens' lives without actually procreating - there are children in every town that need mentors and role models. Most people have nephews and nieces or cousins - my kids have more honorary "aunties" than they can count. In fact a good friend of mine brought my baby a grasshopper one year because she already had enough aunts.

My point was, there's a price for raising children. I do not regret the price I've paid - I think my kids are the greatest thing in my life and I would never be without them. I honestly think the love you give children is deeper than the love you feel for anyone else - including your parents, friend or spouse. It's been a privilege for me to be a parent, but the personal price was high. Very High. And I think prospective parents need to consider that, they need to make sure they are willing to pay to take the plunge - for their sakes as well as their childrens' sakes. There is nothing more horrific than a child raised by parents who weren't ready to give up their self-centric pre-parental livestyle - it's not fair to anyone.

The happy image of reading to the children in the nice home is the media-generated image of what parenting is all about - we call them "Kodak moments", where everything looks perfect. It's great, no question. But for that nightly half hour of reading, there's the daily hour of cleaning and laundry, 30 minutes of cooking, 8 hours of income-generating work and an hour lying awake worrying about finances!

I would never discourage anyone who wanted children from having them - but on the flip side I also feel strongly that people should not be pushed or encouraged to take on what is one of the most demanding and long-term commitments Life offers.

Nuggy, side-note: differences in culture may not be as much of a problem as you'd think. It's more differences in priorities. The people I know who have problems co-parenting usually have different goals for their kids, different levels of commitment to parenting or different outlooks on discipline. I know lots of couples who come from very different backgrounds who nonetheless have pretty easily worked out united ground in parenting.

Siobhan - I hear you on the expense! I'd have had another child in a heart-beat if we could just have increased our income about 50% and somehow done it while I took extended time off of work. We didn't win the lottery so.. we stopped at two!


And I love you, I love you, I love you.
Like never before, like never before.


Edited by - AMC on 02/18/2007 14:39:16
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Siobhan
Chief Healer

USA
2157 Posts

Posted - 02/18/2007 :  15:06:50  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by AMC

The happy image of reading to the children in the nice home is the media-generated image of what parenting is all about - we call them "Kodak moments", where everything looks perfect. It's great, no question. But for that nightly half hour of reading, there's the daily hour of cleaning and laundry, 30 minutes of cooking, 8 hours of income-generating work and an hour lying awake worrying about finances!
As well as worrying about the fever that your child has that isn't going down no matter how regularly acetaminophen is administered. It seems that people (the younger ones especially) don't take all these factors into consideration, or if they do they do not realise just how hard it all is. Then again if every prospective parent did, no one would have children. In our case, we had been married 5 years, all of them happy. We had a house so also a certain amount of stability-- which we threw aside for the insecurity of starting our own business (not quite as feckless as it sounds considering Husband's employer at the time). The thing is, being a parent is life changing and a permanent change at that. It is not a job to drift into and out of, or a position you can resign from when it becomes too difficult (though some do try). Best to go in with eyes open and rosy glasses off for the child's sake if for no other.

Deliberatley causing mayhem in Snape's Potions class.
Member of the HPEW & HPCS Appreciation Society
s.i.n.e. qua non
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AMC
Mediwizard

1710 Posts

Posted - 02/18/2007 :  16:08:49  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
You betcha!



And I love you, I love you, I love you.
Like never before, like never before.

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Bee
Mediwizard

846 Posts

Posted - 02/18/2007 :  18:00:35  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Ireland has the highest birth rate in Europe. It's baby central over here. They're everywhere!

I love children so long as I can give them back. Working with special needs kids has really opened my eyes to what a huge amount of work children really are. I'm much too selfish to even consider having children, though maybe I'll change as I get older. For now, I'm clinging to my independence with a vice-like grip. It'd be pretty much expected for me to marry and have children in the future, being a good (heh) Catholic girl and all. My mother's pretty cool though, so hopefully she's not harbouring any notions. I'd love some nieces and nephews, but I don't think my teenage brother should be thinking about providing me with some just yet...

Order of the Bookmark
Purveyor of Fine Peebles
Haggy is (probably not) Cactus!
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diricawl
Looney

United Kingdom
1078 Posts

Posted - 02/18/2007 :  18:05:48  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by AMC


Diri, you can't possibly expect people not to have some regrets or analyse their own pasts, can you? Yes, you make decisions but some you deeply regret and it's silly to think that simply because you made a decision in the past you have to accept it and not have any regrets. Happily for me I don't regret having children at all. I do, however, regret having carelessly jumped off a rock in Yosemite 12 years ago thereby destroying my ACL, but there you go - it's done. I accept it but that doesn't mean I think it was a good idea, even at the time. I think people have a right - no, an obligation - to recognize the points where they screwed up in life.


I would never expect anyone not to regret their decisions, but I see little value in saying, "I should have done X or Y" instead." I often wonder what would have happened if I stayed at my first university instead of leaving it for that Socratic gulag that ultimately gave me a nervous breakdown. But chances are, had I done so, I would be in pretty much the same situation I am now, or might be head of a multinational corporation. Who knows?

quote:
The happy image of reading to the children in the nice home is the media-generated image of what parenting is all about - we call them "Kodak moments", where everything looks perfect. It's great, no question. But for that nightly half hour of reading, there's the daily hour of cleaning and laundry, 30 minutes of cooking, 8 hours of income-generating work and an hour lying awake worrying about finances!


I'm well aware of this. I have a deadbeat dad who is currently messing up the life of my little brother so I am very much attuned to the worries about finance. And I am perfectly willing to accept the idea that my sprog might be a budding athlete, necessitating hours upon tedious hours of throwing the ball in the backyard. But I can take that. I know I can, provided that the love is strong.

Order of the Bookmark

As to the avatar, well, if you girls can all have Alan Rickman...

"They don't want the Easter Bunny's power; The children in our generation want Harry's power, and they're getting it." - Laura Mallory
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Bee
Mediwizard

846 Posts

Posted - 02/18/2007 :  18:21:52  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Forgot to say in my last post: I found Ugly Betty pretty disappointing as well, considering all the hype around it. But I still watch it, though not religiously. I find it pretty endearing and amusing, but not particularly funny or satirical, which is what I was expecting. But we're fairly behind the US, so maybe it's hit its stride a bit more in newer episodes. It certainly seems to have improved from the first few episodes as far as I can see.

Order of the Bookmark
Purveyor of Fine Peebles
Haggy is (probably not) Cactus!
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Jokelly
Barking

USA
1509 Posts

Posted - 02/18/2007 :  20:10:20  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Bee, alot of the younger teachers I know have said they don't really desire to have kids of their own. Someone said to me once that the more they teach, the more they believe in sterilization. Hehe. Sad, but true. The more I see of the school systems the more I'm inclined to consider homeschooling, if it's affordable not to work.

I have to take my dad to the hospital tomorrow or Tuesday, whenever he can get an appointment. He's been having trouble with his feet hurting. It's been on and off for a few months and he's been to the doctor with it. The doctor thought it was gout, but now thinks it's a form of cellulitis, an infection in the skin and/or tissue. He's had it before in the leg, but it doesn't feel like that. So he'll probably spend a day or two in testing. I just hope it doesn't snow anymore because the hospital is in the city and I hate city driving in the best of weather.

Current location: Laying low at Lupin's
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Myf
Confunded

571 Posts

Posted - 02/19/2007 :  00:12:35  Show Profile  Visit Myf's Homepage  Click to see Myf's MSN Messenger address  Reply with Quote
Diri, I can see both yours and AMC's points. I'm also not one for regret - some stranger once asked me, in the middle of an impromptu conversation, what I most regretted in life, and he was baffled when I couldn't think of anything. There are things I'd change if I had my life over, but I wouldn't click my fingers now and erase their past occurrence and effects on me, because who knows where I'd end up? I prefer to learn from things and move on.

As for kids, now that I'm living with a 3 year old and a 7 month old, I can see what they're like. I will have kids, and I'll be fine, but I'm not rushing into it headlong. Like Jo, I'm not as paranoid about falling pregnant as I was when I was 20 - a child now would not be ideal, but I could cope OK. The lack of independence will be the biggest thing. Hopefully I can put off the childrearing thing for at least another 5 years - that would be ideal.

If you're looking for trouble you found it.
Professor Stephen Hawking
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Theowyn
Looney

1078 Posts

Posted - 02/20/2007 :  12:44:01  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Just catching up on the last few days of posts and had to chime in on the kid discussion. The most important thing before having kids is to have realistic expectations of yourself, your partner and your future offspring. As AMC said, both parents need to have compatible goals and parenting styles. The problem is that people often don't know this about themselves until after baby has arrived, so figuring this out about your partner ahead of time can be a challenge.

Spending time with other people's kids really doesn't help that much either because even beloved nieces and nephews aren't yours and the difference is night and day. There is simply no experience in life like having someone hand you a brand new human being whom you helped to create. It's mind blowing. And there is no love in the world like a parent's love for their child. For these experiences alone, I could never regret having children.

Is it hard work? Yes. You can't call in sick from being a parent. It is a 24/7 job. But the really intense work doesn't last forever and once the kids get a bit older they can be a tremendous help. My boys do all the yard work around the house now and take care of the pool. And last week when I was sick, my son brought me soup in bed just like I used to do for him.

That's the part that people contemplating having children don't seem to see. Because being a parent isn't just about the tradeoffs of raising kids. The real payoff comes when the children become adults. Being a parent doesn't end when your kids turn 18 or leave home. These people will be an intimate part of your life as long as you live and an endless source of hope and joy. Forget that first baby step. That's nothing compared to sending your son or daughter off on a first date or to a first job. To see a young adult, so full of promise, with their whole life ahead of them and a world of possibilities before them - that is what having children is about.

I cannot come close to describing that feeling, but for those of you who are close to your parents, the next time you're with them and are talking about something good that's happened to you: a great new job, a new love - or even when you take a moment to tell them sincerely, "I love you" - look into their eyes and you'll probably see what I mean.

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s.i.n.e. qua non

"Always"

Edited by - Theowyn on 02/20/2007 16:51:10
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Siobhan
Chief Healer

USA
2157 Posts

Posted - 02/20/2007 :  13:05:21  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
And of course all this talk of children and parenting leads us back to Harry. He has no parents. His parents won't be around to see what he has made of himself. I wonder if they could imagine what his life would be like without them, growing up with his Aunt and Uncle? Did they make plans ahead of time for such a contingency-- especially when it seemed a real posibility that something might happen to them? Or was it left to Dumbledore's discretion....

Deliberatley causing mayhem in Snape's Potions class.
Member of the HPEW & HPCS Appreciation Society
s.i.n.e. qua non
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Bee
Mediwizard

846 Posts

Posted - 02/20/2007 :  13:13:15  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Aww, that's such a sweet post, Theo. I'd like to have a me around in my later years. That sounds really egotistical, but hey, I'm a pretty good daughter. Except when it comes to housework.

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Haggy is (probably not) Cactus!
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AMC
Mediwizard

1710 Posts

Posted - 02/20/2007 :  13:14:58  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Well I would say it was cruel of JKR to have Lily and James leave so little for Harry but it is also kind of the classic hero plot device - the hero is left on his own. The photo album that Hagrid put together is the only bit of their lives left to him and it wasn't even their doing. Obviously, they left him money and he has James's cloak, so he was provided for physically.

It still bugs me that Dumbledore didn't do more to provide for Harry as a small child. You'd think he'd have learned his lesson with Tom Riddle, that it isn't wise to allow exceptional wizarding children to be raised in an isolated Muggle environment.


And I love you, I love you, I love you.
Like never before, like never before.


Edited by - AMC on 02/20/2007 13:17:08
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Newguise
Barmy

United Kingdom
269 Posts

Posted - 02/20/2007 :  14:56:04  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Exactly - DD could have made Arabella Figg be nice to him for a start - I think the Dursleys would have been quite happy for him to be over there more often than not. He could have met some of her 'odd' friends and had a bit of fun with people who would play a bigger role in his life later on.

Nuggy xxx
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Jokelly
Barking

USA
1509 Posts

Posted - 02/20/2007 :  23:16:56  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Oooh, we're talking about Harry Potter. The most moving scene in all the books is where Molly is hugging Harry and he's trying not to cry at the end of GoF. So sad. If anyone deserves a happy, normal family it's Harry.

Current location: Laying low at Lupin's
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Jokelly
Barking

USA
1509 Posts

Posted - 02/21/2007 :  23:41:03  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Just when you thought that nothing could top the weather or Anna Nicole Smith in the news along comes Britney Spears. I just don't know what to say about the topic.

Current location: Laying low at Lupin's
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AMC
Mediwizard

1710 Posts

Posted - 02/22/2007 :  00:28:12  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I can't imagine any circumstances under which talking about Britney Spears is truly necessary, Jo...

I avoid tabloid news stories by only getting my news from the papers and the internet - you can always choose to avoid certain columns or refuse to click on certain types of stories. But TV and radio news hold you captive - you must hear what they want to tell you, there's no story-skipping allowed. I think that's why they are going the way of the dinosaur. In today's world, we are all so innundated with information that if you didn't pick and choose what you listen to, you'd go completely insane.

I hope newspapers don't disappear though - there's a lot of press around here about how badly traditional news media companies are doing - everyone seems to expect that the daily paper will soon be gone. I still like my paper, even thought I wish it was re-usable. That's a future technology I like - "paper" e-books, where there's a physical book to read and the pages appear to be printed pages but are in fact made of micro-fabricated material on which any book's text can appear, depending on the chip that is put in. The same technology ould give you a daily paper you plugged in for the nightly download from whatever paper site you liked. Keep journalism alive, destroy fewer trees in the process.


And I love you, I love you, I love you.
Like never before, like never before.


Edited by - AMC on 02/22/2007 00:31:04
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